THE JAM
FAKE COUNTRY REDFORD NEWS BASED IN TRUTH
APRIL 2019 – ISSUE 2
Pay to Play
Austinburg, OH – On a cold, early spring night in 2018, Country Redford was in the middle of their 2nd set playing to a capacity crowd at a local establishment.
“It was a magical night. I think the whole band was locked in and feeling good,” said lead singer Scot Bluechevy. As the band hit the 3rd song of the set an urgency beset Bluechevy.
“It came out of nowhere. I always feared this could happen, but I didn’t expect it that night.” Bluechevy said referring to his sudden need to relieve himself.
The scenario is one that happens frequently from bar rooms to arenas worldwide. What are musicians to do when they find themselves in Bluechevy’s scenario?
“I knew we were nearing the instrumental part of the song and I knew if I could at least get to the instrumental the band could vamp until I got back.” He was right. Bluechevy made it to the instrumental.
“The restroom was too far away. There was no way I would ever get there.” His next dilemma was how to exit in a way that looked planned.
“He pointed at me, then just disappeared,” recalled guitarist Extra Chrispy.
Bluechevy disappeared out a side door to the outside.
Then catastrophe struck. “As soon I was out the door, I had only one thing in mind. I didn’t even think about blocking the door until it was just about closed. Having only one hand available, I jumped toward the door.”
It was too late. The door had closed, locking Bluechevy outside. He pounded on the door as hard as he could but couldn’t be heard over the volume of the band.
“It might have been one of the lowest points of my life. I was cold, unable to get back to my family (band) and had urine on my pants.”
The next part of the story Bluechevy describes as nothing less than divine intervention. “I knew my only option was the front door. Something just told me, ‘go in the front door.’” Bluechevy was relieved again when he saw the bouncers and ticket taker.
As he was about to walk by, he heard a loud voice, “Hey you, ID and cover!” Bluechevy pled his case to no avail that he was the band’s singer. Knowing the band had been jamming for a while, Bluechevy decided to pay the cover and push his way to the front and managed to get back on stage.
“I’ve always told the band that we will never be a ‘pay to play’ band,” said the dejected singer. “I can’t believe in 2019 nature can make you go against beliefs you’ve held for years. The times are definitely a-changin’.”
Country Redford sound engineer watches nervously as warning lights on 9-volt batteries wane
“The Mix Up” (sound guy stories)
All Gigs, OH – Country Redford sound engineer, Aaron Seacrest, has a lot on his plate when it comes to gigging with the band.
“There’s always something…”
“My in-ears aren’t working. Where do I plug in? Is there supposed to be a hum in the speakers?” are questions he commonly hears trying to navigate the rough waters of running sound.
HAPPY ACCIDENT
Seacrest has a reputation for being one of the premier sound emgineers in the business.
“Some days I spend hours trying to dial in the band.” However, one “happy accident” occurred recently while running sound for Country Redford.
“During the break I ordered a dozen wings. Since it was dark I didn’t realize my plate wasn’t level and the sauce was dripping on the board. This made the vocal slider too slippery to adjust, burying the vocals in the mix. The band started the second set and I began panicking. I couldn’t get the slider to budge. Ironically, that night I got many compliments on how well the vocals sounded. I guess you could call it a happy accident. I’ve been saucin’ on Bluechevy’s vocals since then.”
Country Redford "Gray Skies and Rainy Nights" as working title for 2nd Album
You want the best country band in Cleveland?
When the best isn’t available consider Country Redford
Contact CR management
(Read more on page 3)
Wife catches Country Redford bassist with metal chick
“My wife’s been into chicks for a while now,” responded Country Redford bassist Subsonic.
The bassist’s wife is known for her collection of exotic chicks.
“It’s something I tried out in college and had such a fun experience I didn’t want to stop,” recounts the bassist’s wife.
“I’ve picked up quite a few being on tour and all. I find them everywhere… in stores, yard sales, you name it. The hottest chick I’ve ever picked up …
… was one on the side of the road while we were driving through the Mojave Desert. She must have been out there for a couple weeks. She was a little rough from the road, but she was so hot in that desert heat, I almost couldn’t get her into the van.”