THE JAM
MAY 2019 – ISSUE 3
Scot Bluechevy mistaken for celebrity
Anywhere, OH – While leaving a Cleveland restaurant Country Redford singer Scot Bluechevy was mistaken for celebrity country singer Shane Rawland.
“Three girls ran across this busy street saying they loved me. I was flattered. After I signed their shirts, one girl said, ‘I told you it wasn’t him,’”said Bluechevy.
“Country Collusion!”
Cleveland, OH – In the wake of Cleveland Scene magazine’s “2019 Best of” voting results release, dissent within the band was apparent. Protest of a “country collusion” was heard after nominee Scot Bluechevy was named “Best Male Vocalist.”
“There’s no way…zero chance,” protested bassist Subsonic (it should be noted that Sonic can’t hear over 92Hz).
“I heard there were people in the district around E.99 and St. Clair that have dial-up whose webpages timed out and weren’t able to vote. This is just another example of voter fraud,” sounded angered drummer Tommy Gunn.
Guitarist “Slim” Pickens said, “I co-write on some of our songs and know Bluechevy’s voice is butter. He has a solid 3-note range, and frankly, I think the fans are treated to his generosity of the added two notes.”
Special Counsel Seacrest was appointed to investigate the case.
“Up to this point it’s difficult to say. Bluechevy has refused to turn over his iPad and in-ear monitors, so it’s hard to tell what he controls,” noted Seacrest. Engineers from Kelvin Productions are trying to help Seacrest shed light on the case.
“We will see how this plays out. People are saying he’s running backing tracks, that he spends hours overdubbing in the studio and so on. I cannot confirm or deny the allegations,” replied guitarist Extra Chrispy.
“Yeah I colluded! All the greats colluded on each other’s albums. Look at Johnny and June, Brook and Dunn with Reba, Waylon and Willie,” stated Bluechevy.
Bluechevy unapologetically responded, “See everyone’s pointing at Bluechevy claiming ‘collusion,’ however, no one is concerned about American Country anymore! We need to keep an eye on these funk/reggae bands and Nickelback and make American Country great again!”
Country Redford members add VALue to their resumes
NE, OH – It’s been a busy month for members of the band Country Redford. Guitarist Extra Chrispy (E.C.) and bassist Subsonic have been cast in featured films due out in the fall 2020.
Extra Chrispy has been tapped to play “Iceman” in the re-remake of Top Gun: 2020 Missile Lock ReVision.
“What can I say, it’s a role I was born to play. I would say it came second nature, but it was so natural it came 1st nature.”
Similarly, Subsonic was cast as wrestling phenom Val Venis in the upcoming wrestle-mentary Men are from Mars, Women are on Venis.
“Hello Ladies…” is all Subsonic would say when asked about his new role.
Proof that the character is more than just a role.
Longtime CR fan misses first gig due to illness
Mikey “Wheels” Gumball missed his first Country Redford gig in 3 years last Saturday night due to illness.
“I was sick and tired of Jack Daniel’s never bringing their expo to Cleveland,” said Wheels.
Gumball, an avid Jack n’ Coke drinker, couldn’t pass on the opportunity to attend the Jack Daniel’s Expo that was held at Rocket Mortgage Field House.
“I was really interested in how Jack Daniel’s would take their whiskey to the next level.”
Gumball said the knowledge he gained from the expo he can definitely apply to the next CR show.
“One word: whiskey pops,” Wheels stated enthusiastically.
Light up
Truth from CR stage effects engineer “Lightgeyser” Fultz.
Making the band look good might seem like an easy thing. You have the typical rockstar attire – leather jackets, skinny jeans, the perfect boots. Pair that with a guitar slung over the shoulder or a mic stand and you have the perfect recipe, right? Well, not exactly.
“A lot of people don’t realize the importance of stage effects,” replied CR stage effects engineer “Lightgeyser” Fultz.
“Start with the band members. These are some ugly m@%#*&$*@$#s! I have no idea how they are scoring these movie roles. The light sweeps and shading that I have to do during a show is mind blowing,” said Fultz.
“Those movie light crews will have their work cut out for them.”
Fultz gave The Jam some insight on how he covers the band’s mistakes.
“There are parts of the show that I know the band struggles with, so I’ll blast the lights, overpowering the audience. It’s a visual sensory overload trick I picked up along the way. The human body can’t handle all the stimuli and therefore no one knows the band just missed the bridge, played in the wrong key, etc….”