The Jam - February 2020 - Issue 11

The JAM

– FAKE COUNTRY REDFORD NEWS BASED IN TRUTH –

FEBRUARY 2020 – ISSUE 11

Bluechevy Slaps Fan With Maternity Suit

Country Redford singer Scot Bluechevy is suing the alleged mother of his baby.

“It’s mine, I know it is,” replied an angry Bluechevy.

Racey Segina, who knows the baby is Bluechevy’s but is reluctant to claim him as the baby’s father, said, “As soon as I saw the sonogram I knew right away it was his. The baby has his big head and even bigger…ego.”

Segina is seeking a second opinion.

New #dabty Hate-Heads Unveiled

“Fact: Drums produce better tones the harder you hit them,” explains CR drummer Tommy Gunn.

This is what inspired #dabty’s new line of “Hate Heads.” You can upload pictures of people you hate. Those pictures are transferred onto custom #dabty drum heads.

“So far we have had great reviews,” adds Gunn. “The best part is that each show you can have the heads that will inspire you to hit the hardest.”

The “Exs” and “Boss” lines are #dabty’s top sellers.

The Seventeenth Parallel

Seventeenth parallel, the provisional musical demarcation line established in Ohio by the Country Redford Geneva Accords (2019). The line did not actually coincide with the 17th parallel but ran south of it, approximately along the Slim Pickens River to the village of Extra Corpus Chrispi and from there due west to the Gunn Drum Riser border. Extending for 3 miles (5 km) on either side of the demarcation line was a de-countrified zone (DCZ), also called for by the Geneva agreement.

Although the accords stipulated that the line “should not in any way be interpreted as constituting a political, territorial, or genre boundary,” the rest of the agreement was not carried out, and the 17th parallel became the practical political boundary between #DABTY and #BlueSkies&SummerNights.