The Jam – November 2019 – Issue 9
NOVEMBER 2019 – ISSUE 9
Budget Cuts Hit “The Jam”
Budget cuts to Country Redford’s online “fake news based in truth” media outlet has the band experiencing setbacks.
“Smaller and less,” replies E.C. describing results of the cuts.
“Less quality, more mistakes and misquotes,” says Scrote Ballsheavy.
“That’s why you keep all your money in off-shore accounts and hire foreign child labor,” says CR drummer Tommy Gunn.
“Budget cuts? Yes, that’s where I go for barbery,” exclaims Sub Sonic.
“Mo’ money, mo’ problems…” gestures guitarist Slim Pickens.
“What’s ‘The Jam’?” simultaneously replied a group of fans during the last concert.
Chrispy Can’t Hold His Country
At a Sunday afternoon gig on Cleveland’s East side Country Redford guitarist Extra Chrispy left everything he had on the stage…and a little beside…and some more behind it.
“I couldn’t hold it in. My love of country music is overwhelming.” Chrispy, avid rocker turned country, had consumed every country show that’s come to the northeast Cleveland area.
“You know how it is. A buddy says, ‘come on it’s just one’ then before you know it, it’s 4am and you’re somewhere in Mansfield.”
A future without music: Bluechevy considers an alternate reality
It’s an early autumn morning and a young pitcher takes the mound for the first time. Nervous and unsure of himself, he’s not afraid of failure.
That young man was none other than Jack Bluechevy, son of Cleveland’s own CR singer Scot Bluechevy.
“When I saw him out there dealing I thought, ‘I can do this. After all, where do you think he got his ability?’” replied Bluechevy.
Bluechevy couldn’t have been further from the truth. Scot Bluechevy took his talents to a Painesville softball field as a sub for a local club team.
“0 for 4,” sounded a dejected Bluechevy. “I mean I didn’t want the pitcher to look bad so I probably helped her out by swinging at pitches out of the zone.”
“The only thing he tried to hit on was the grandmother of one our players. Wouldn’t you know it, he struck out for the 5th time,” replied player-coach and sound engineer Aaron Seacrest. “I’m going with Jack next time.”
Infomercial:
“Hi, I’m Chrispy I play in the highly successful cRock band Country Redford. Have you ever had that not-so-fresh feeling? You know what I mean. Your G “Slinky” can’t stay straight anymore. Well I’m hear to tell you that you aren’t alone. The new GHS Coated Boomers are always hard and wrapped to allow you to play with it for much longer…”